I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize