pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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