I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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