i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
