me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
