Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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