So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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