bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
