I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
