Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
