It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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