Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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