She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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