Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
