I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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