I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
