I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
