I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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