remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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