what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
