and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
