Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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