I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize