Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Did I show you my penis last night?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
