So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
