I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
