Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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