Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
