I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
