I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He passed out mid-signature
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
