this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
