Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
