what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
