Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
