Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize