Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
