He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
