Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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