I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
