I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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