she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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