I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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