It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Randomize
