I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
