I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
