Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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