do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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