In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
