Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
