shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
