Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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