You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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