my mouth tastes like poor choices
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
