Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
