Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
