i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
