just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
