It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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