My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
