Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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