I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
