He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So vagazzling was a success
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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