i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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