Too much gin, very little bucket
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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