i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize