But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
