Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
