I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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