I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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