Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
