Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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