We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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