Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I supernannyed him into submission
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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