I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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