The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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