Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
