Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
