I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've blown a few things in my day
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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