whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
