Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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