I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
