so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
