When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
