I bet he comes in French.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
