God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize