Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
