I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
