It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My friends, they love my intelligence
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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