Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
