i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
