i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
