In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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