I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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