I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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