In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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