The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
