Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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