so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
