Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
