he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
