upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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