Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
