Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize