If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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