i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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