The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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