Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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