Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
