its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
