he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
