You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
