quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I wish there were birth control emojis
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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