last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
