Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
